Crossing Boundaries

Crossing Boundaries

When a narcissist can’t control you, they resort to one final tactic: manufactured vulnerability.

Carl Jung observed that their deepest fear isn’t rejection — it’s your strength. When you heal, set boundaries, and stop seeking approval, they face a power inversion crisis. To regain control, they cycle through three manipulations:

  1. Strength shaming – twisting your growth into flaws.

    • Boundaries? “You’re cold.”

    • Confidence? “You’re arrogant.”

  2. Nostalgic manipulation – longing for the “old you” they could control.

    • “You were happier before you changed.”

  3. Manufactured vulnerability – sudden crises timed to guilt you into breaking your own rules. Often, these are exaggerated or created to pull you back into the caretaker role.

    • “I know you need space, but I really need you now.”

    • “Just this once…”

Jung’s solution: differentiated compassion — empathy without self-betrayal. Ask: “Is helping them helping me become who I truly am?”

Aggression, manipulation, and emotional volatility can have psychological, neurological, or hormonal roots. Sometimes, a deep sense of helplessness fuels self-destructive behavior, leading to isolation. Paradoxically, aggressive people may crave empathy — even while driving others away.

Still, responsibility lies with the aggressor. Narcissistic individuals often project their unresolved problems onto others, demanding support while rejecting advice, denying fault, and deflecting blame. This one-sided dynamic drains those around them without offering respect or reciprocity.

True change usually begins only after they face consequences — often isolation — and are forced to confront the harm they’ve caused. Adults are solely responsible for seeking help and repairing damage. Disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder, psychopathic ADHD, dissociative identity disorder, Brunner syndrome, or hormonal imbalances like TSH dysfunction can intensify aggression.

A proper diagnosis — whether addressing neurochemical disruption, hormonal imbalance, or genetic predisposition — is essential. Some conditions respond well to treatment; others, especially those involving MAOA gene variants or prefrontal cortex dysfunction, require long-term, specialized care. But regardless of cause, accountability remains non-negotiable.

© 2000-2025 Sieglinde W. Alexander. All writings by Sieglinde W. Alexander have a fife year copy right. Library of Congress Card Number: LCN 00-192742

 

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